Assistant Regional Manager

NOW HIRING: ASSISTANT REGIONAL MANAGER
Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, Inc.
New York, NY Branch | "Limitless Paper in a Paperless World "


Job Title:
Assistant (to the) Regional Manager


Reports To:
Michael Scott, Regional Manager (Pending Corporate Approval)


Job Summary:
Are you a motivated self-starter with a passion for paper and a tolerance for absurd workplace antics? Dunder Mifflin New York is seeking an Assistant Regional Manager (or, fine, Assistant to the Regional Manager-HR insists we clarify) to support branch operations, boost sales morale, and occasionally mediate disputes between Dwight and Jim.


Key Responsibilities:
• Sales Support: Help the team hit quarterly quotas by pretending to care about three-ply stock and recycled linen paper.
• Conflict Resolution: Break up stapler-in-Jell-O incidents and occasionally remind Dwight he is not, in fact, the Regional Manager.
• Customer Relations: Explain to clients why their order is late ( "Uh, warehouse issues? ") with a smile.
• Meeting Leadership: Run pretend meetings when Michael is "busy " (napping in his office).
• Creative Problem-Solving: Find new ways to hide the fact that the branch is technically failing.


Qualifications:
Required: High school diploma (or GED-we're not picky).


Preferred: 2+ years in sales, customer service, or surviving a toxic work environment.


Skills: Basic Excel, PowerPoint, and the ability to keep a straight face when Michael says "That's what she said. "


Bonus: Experience with pretzel day logistics or beet farming (ask Dwight).


Perks & Benefits:
Salary: "Competitive " (but let's be real, it's mediocre).
Culture: Free pretzel day, Dundie Awards, and occasional HR investigations.
Parking: LOL-good luck in NYC.
Growth: "Unlimited potential! " (Note: Promotions may or may not be fictional. See: Jim's "Co-Manager " era.)


How to Apply:
Send your resume to Toby Flenderson at:
View email address on click.appcast.io (He won't respond-he's in Costa Rica.)


OR
Just show up to the office and challenge Dwight to a duel. If you survive, the job is yours.


Dunder Mifflin is an equal-opportunity employer. (Unless you're Toby. Or Ryan the Temp. Or anyone Michael dislikes before lunch.)


"Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going... " - Michael Scott